The Great Recession of 2008, is rivaled only by the Great Depression of the 1930s. The Great Recession of 2008 hurt everyone. No one was spared. Compare 2008 with 2000 and the tech bubble burst. Those of us over weighted with technology stocks suffered dearly. A large handful of us were affected, but not everyone. The market went down but it came back relatively quickly when real estate started to ramp up. In 2001 9/11 hit and we all suffered for a short time and then all was “back to normal.”

2009 would be the year of widespread unemployment, deeply sagging real estate prices and a Dow that hit its low at 6,400, down from a peak of nearly 14,000. The surprise 4000 point gain in the Dow in the second half of 2009 squashed all the pessimist’s forecasts and even shocked the optimists. All the voices who cried that the government was taking on bad debt are now amazed that bans are paying back TARP (perhaps for the wrong reasons), but, nonetheless the taxpayers are gaining benefit. The VIX, or volatility index, is down under 20 vs. the crazy 80+ readings we had earlier. Housing prices are stabilizing or up in at least 20 major metro areas, and hiring of temporary employees is sharply higher.

Meanwhile though, there is a great divide between Wall Street and Main Street’s recovery. The unemployment rate is still at 10%+ to 17+% depending on which measurement is used. Stores and businesses have and are closing, incomes are down and we consumers are very cautious. Main Street starts 2010 demoralized and uncertain. The legal and financial professions have gone from robust to just plain bust. Those of us who are still employed (or have another income source) and are able to invest are recovering well. The depleted unemployed, the struggling business owners, and demoralized homeowners who can’t pay their mortgage start 2010 with uncertainty and consequent fear.

I don’t think we can declare victory over the economic disaster of the Great Recession, or even that it is at an end. But the latest reading of the “tealeaves” does suggest we are emerging from the worst of it.

ADHA/ADD & LD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Inattention Disorder and Learning Differences are diagnoses made primarily on the basis of a person’s cognitive and emotional past. That is, you don’t get ADHD/ADD, you either have it or you don’t. The evaluation focuses on finding evidence of problems with: attention, distractibility, impulsivity, disorganization, processing and learning. Other subtle manifestations of attentional and/or learning problems, through careful history taking and examination of school report cards, standardized testing results and previous psychological reports are an integral part of the assessment. An evaluation can take from 2 to 6 forty five minute sessions. In some cases, where a person’s history is not clear, it may be necessary to do additional psychological testing, including the Quotient ADHD System. Testing can take from 2-6 additional sessions and includes a written report if requested.

Clinical Diagnosis

Differentiating specific problem areas is the function of diagnostic testing. For example, if someone has difficulty concentrating, the source of the problem may be anxiety, depression or other mood disturbances, or a biologically determined cognitive problem like ADHD or LD. Administration of cognitive tests ( like the WISC-IV or WIAT-II [a basic intelligence test and skills achievement test, respectively]) and projective tests, (like The Rorschach Inkblot Test and the Thematic Apperception Test) helps clarify the source of the problem and is effective in developing and guiding a treatment plan

He didn’t get the job. I listened to his deflated voice fighting back tears while he told me that despite upbeat and encouraging interviews (including a friendly invitation to have lunch with the entire staff after the last interview) he had just received a two line email citing his lack of experience as the reason he didn’t make the cut.

Granted he is not in his 40s with graying temples and that wise, seasoned look. He had enthusiasm, excitement and ideas for what he could contribute. He is a quick study and has always succeeded at anything he put his mind to.

My son is like many other highly motivated, competent but young people fighting to find a place in a weak and demoralized economy. As of May 2012, the unemployment rate for young adults ages 20-24 was 12.9 percent, and 12.1 percent for adults ages 18-29, according to Michael Walden, a William Neal Reynolds distinguished professor and extension economist.

What are parents to do? We can support, encourage and even offer some financial relief but we can’t change the reality of what our young men and women face as a result of a weak job market.

And what do parents feel? Well, I feel sick that I can’t change my son’s job reality. It does little good to tell him how it was for me when I was getting my first job, or tell him to try harder or just tell him to “suck it up.”

What can I or any of us do to help? Here’s my list of tips to help struggling family members and your 20s something young adult:

1. Remind your son or daughter that no one can be sure why a hire didn’t work. Was it because his communication style didn’t fit with the organization, was it that there was an internal candidate or they didn’t like the clothes he was wearing? You can try and guess but it won’t help your child move on.

2. Remind your son or daughter of all the positive qualities they have that will serve them well as they move on.

3. Remind your son or daughter that they “have just been socked in the gut” and understandably feel that awful feeling of disappointment and deflation. Moving out of that state is a process, just like mourning the loss of a relationship or the loss of a big sum of money. First, the process dictates, grief and sadness, then anger (that can lead to reassessment of career goals), acceptance and finally moving on. This process takes time so don’t try and rush it.

4. Remind yourself that you can help support and encourage, but don’t beat yourself up that you may not be able to do more than that (as a matter of fact that is plenty). Offering financial help as a bridge loan may help, but giving money out right may compromise your financial needs and/or make your child feel as if they have failed and are “pathetic.”

5. Take care of yourself. Think of all the things that are going right. That will serve as a model for your son or daughter to do the same.

6. Talk to friends and family about what has happened and don’t be shy about it. Who knows how someone may be able to help either by support or suggesting a friend or colleague your child can network with.

The folks who called into the show were in situations we’ve all experienced at one time or another. One caller had just lost his job and he and his wife found themselves fighting more. Another caller owned a business that had dried up over the last two years. His wife’s company was laying off employees, so they both were living with gut wrenching loss and uncertainty.

Economic pressure can tear a marriage apart. I see it in my practice every day. In these kinds of situations, it is crucially important for spouses to communicate both their negative and positive feelings.

My advice to spouses:
1. Set some basic ground rules for talking with each other. One, agree that neither party will storm out in anger or frustration, but will stay and hear the other out no matter how rough the conversation. Set aside a time each week to talk about money.
2. Try and talk about your own attitudes and feelings using “I” statements like, “I feel so bad things have gotten worse,” rather than, “Without your salary we’re doomed!”
3. Let the children know there are some difficult issues you are actively working on together, that nothing is their fault and that together you are making a plan to make going forward better.
4. Focus not only on active listening and communication, but also on taking care of yourself by NOT falling into the bad stress habits of overeating and drinking or kicking the dog. Take a long walk with a supportive friend or by yourself and focus on what you have in your life that gives you faith that better days will come.

Thanks to Laura for having me on the show.

1. First, sit down and make a list of what has to be done to finish your taxes.
2. Take the first 3 list items and put them on your do-it-today list. Let the rest wait for another day.
3. Take item 1 and imagine that you have followed through and it’s finished. What does that feel like? I’ll bet it feels good to see that list item done.
4. Keep that image in your mind as you work through item 1 to its completion.
5. Reward yourself in some small way and take the time to congratulate yourself for doing something you wanted to avoid but did anyway. That item is permanently erased from your list!
6. Do the same with the remaining two items on today’s list.

Work your way through the pile in a similar way. If you can’t keep at it, talk to a friend, partner or spouse and ask them for support, help or ideas that might help you to continue on your path to victory.

Resilience means not only facing down troubles. It also means learning how to take care of ourselves as well as looking out for our family and neighbors. That is what I call Holistic Wealth. What, you say, is Holistic Wealth? It has 4 components: physical, psychological, financial and spiritual. It is easy in troubled times to look after everyone but ourselves. If we do that physically by over worrying, working at 3 jobs and leaving no time to eat healthy or exercise, we run the risk of getting sick and running up huge medical bills. If we worry ourselves into inaction or feel too ashamed to ask for help from friends and from the community, we are psychologically putting ourselves “up the creek.” And then there is money. Avoiding our money realities by not opening credit card bills, not keeping track of how we spend money or getting impulsive and trying to fight depression and anxiety with “retail therapy” only makes money problems worse.

One client I work with feels virtuous when she DOES open the credit card bill. Only problem? When she looks at the numbers, she squints so she really doesn’t see them clearly. She locates the MINIMUM DUE box and pays that with great satisfaction that she has done a hard job well!

The last component of Holistic Wealth is spiritual. That means having a sense of meaning and purpose beyond yourself that gives you a sense of grounding, connection and importance.

Taking care of ourselves in these 4 realms then allows us to develop the resources needed to get up again and again when we are facing down adversity or hard times of any sort. That is being American, that is our true grit.

Some people may have the means to pay their mortgage off in 15 years or even 10 years. This, of course, means larger monthly payments. But should they pay it off as soon as possible? What if they had lower monthly payments because they chose a 30-year mortgage. Then they would have more money to invest in stocks or bonds. Having a longer mortgage also increases the time you are eligible for the interest tax deduction on your federal income taxes.

I asked a few clients about this and got a variety of different responses—but with one theme in common. Home ownership is financial security and part of the American Dream of happiness and prosperity. If all else fails, they reason, at least I have my home. When fully owned it can’t be lost. If it takes longer to pay the house off, the threat of loss lingers and compromises a full sense of financial security that seems to come with home ownership.

This theme is what the father of behavioral economics, psychologist Daniel Kahneman, calls loss aversion. As human beings we are afraid of loss and do anything NOT to experience it. As a matter of fact, when we anticipate the possibility of a financial loss, our behavior changes in ways that are actually MORE risky, because we are trying so hard to avoid a loss. For example, if the numbers show that you would be better off to take a 30 year fixed mortgage (don’t forget to figure in an estimate of the forward moving inflation rate), you get the tax deduction for 30 years. In the meantime, if you put the money into a conservative investment that yields a solid return that puts you ahead of the game, would you do it?

Many people would not. They’d play it safe, avoid the anxiety of a possible loss and take a 15 year mortgage, even though they could make more money with a 30 year mortgage and a solid investment.

What would you do? The answer gives you some idea about how you balance long-term gain against risk. From a purely economic perspective, you probably should take the longer mortgage. But if you lose sleep with even a conservative investment, it may not be worth it. In either case, this example helps if you become aware. Your awareness of the issues (risk tolerance, loss aversion) then facilitates thinking clearly about your options and deciding thoughtfully—rather than taking action without really consciously deciding. What is your choice?